Cal Domingue Therapy

Finding Time for Yourself

Parents frequently feel overwhelmed by all the expectations and demands for their time. Most feel burdened by the need to provide food, clothing, and shelter for themselves and their children. Many also feel they must help their children learn how to negotiate the challenges of life, learn to make friends, do well in school (and eventually work), etc. All of this while maintaining their own adult relationships and meeting the demands of adult life. That can be quite a challenge!

Most parents find it hard to balance all of these demands on their time and energy. When a parent feels overwhelmed. feelings of frustration and sometimes anger are common. When these feelings dominate, it is hard for anyone to calmly consider options when a challenge or crisis arises.
Learning to manage stress, control temper, and balance the many demands for your time and attention are all skills that can be developed Taking the time to become more skillful in these areas can make the job of being a parent much easier and more effective, both for yourself and your children. For more details, see specific articles on each of these.

It may not be obvious, but giving yourself some “down time” is also important. If they fit your budget, treats like a massage or an evening with friends can go a long way to help you recharge. Lunch with a friend and quiet time are things that most parents can find time for. Making time for yourself will let you meet challenges with some energy reserves and an optimistic outlook. It’s also important, both for you and for your children, for you to get regular exercise and rest.

Parenting is a huge and often thankless undertaking. It means that for many, many years a huge part of your time and energy has to be dedicated to other people: your children. The “old school” way of thinking of this was that one or both parents had to sacrifice their entire lives and interests for their children. That is partially true. A parent can’t have the same life with children as they would have had without children. Parenting takes time, energy, money, and attention. But parenting doesn’t have to consume all of your resources. In fact, if it does, then you and your children will probably end up paying for it later.

Sometimes effective parenting means doing things that your children don’t understand, or won’t like. If you take yourself out to a nice dinner instead of letting your son go a movie with friends, he may bitterly complain that you don’t love him, or that you always get what you want and he doesn’t. At times like that, it’s important to acknowledge their feelings (probably disappointment, confusion, anger, or hurt) and also to teach them appropriate ways to express that. Setting these kinds of limits and sometimes putting yourself first are important things for your children to learn. While it may be a real challenge in the short term, making time for yourself and finding appropriate balance will pay big dividends later on.

Contact & Copyright Information

Cal J. Domingue, MFT
P.O. Box 318162
San Francisco CA 94131-8162
(415) 377-0544
www.caltherapy.org