Cal Domingue Therapy

Helping children succeed in school

Parents frequently ask me about how children learn, and what they can do to help their children succeed in school. Learning is a complex subject, and each child will have his or her own learning style. One thing that’s nearly universal, however, is that children learn by example. If you tell a child that he or she must study and do their homework, you may get grumbling or you may hear a retort like: “That’s easy for you to say, you don’t have any.” It’s important to show your child you believe in the importance of education.

First, be willing to spend some of your time focused on your child’s education. Know who his or her teachers are, and keep in touch with them through the year about how your child is doing. Knowing what your children are studying in school lets you talk with them about what subjects and topics they like; what things are easy for them; and whether or not their friends struggle with the same things they do. This will help identify any subjects in which they may need a little extra help.

Second, as children grow they will want to be more independent. In elementary school, or when older students ask for help, it’s important to spend time doing homework with your children. This shows them that it is important, because it’s worth your time as well as theirs. It also gives you the opportunity to teach them how to concentrate, apply what they have learned, and think creatively. If you share their difficulties and also celebrate their successes, it will help them enjoy learning.

As children get older, they will be able to (and will want to) work more independently. Your role will evolve to helping them learn more subtle things: balance, self-motivation, asking for help when needed. This may take the form of checking in with them, responding without shaming or reluctance when asked, and noticing what subjects or challenges your child actually enjoys. You may also be called on to help them learn to prioritize. As they approach adolescence, learning to balance immediate gratification with the deferred gratification that comes from achieving long-term gains, is an invaluable lesson. It’s important to let children know that you appreciate their struggles, believe in their ability to solve their own problems, are willing to assist when asked, and are not wiling to rescue them. A part of this process is helping each child to recognize his or her strengths, and help identify what he or she does well in.

Third, one of the demands of parenting is time management. In order to be the best parent you can to your children, you need to find time and support to help manage the stresses of your own life. When you are well rested, and eat and exercise regularly, you will have more energy and will be able to engage more positively with your children. Since children will learn from your example, you will also be teaching them about how to balance work and play; communicate effectively; and the joy of achieving a goal that you have set. Sometimes parents find it helpful to find or create support groups for themselves, or to team up with other parents to create homework groups, or study groups, for children who share classes. For more ideas on self-care, see another article on that topic.

Contact & Copyright Information

Cal J. Domingue, MFT
P.O. Box 318162
San Francisco CA 94131-8162
(415) 377-0544
www.caltherapy.org